Jealousy is one of those tricky human emotions that everyone experiences, but we all like to pretend that we don’t. Like if we’re evolved enough and enlightened enough we can transcend and overcome something so fundamental to the human experience that it might as well be a hallmark of humanity. It’s ridiculous. Of course cuckold jealousy is a real thing! Yes, cuckolds get fucking jealous! They’re people too, and being turned on by something doesn’t negate the messy tangle of human emotional responses. The better thing to contemplate when it comes to a cuckold relationship is how do you handle your jealousy when it happens.

Cuckold Jealousy

The dictionary tells us that jealousy is “the state of being jealous”, which is not super useful as far as a definition goes. Pedantry from the dictionary is to be expected, so we just sigh and go deeper. Jealous is defined as “feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.” But it’s not until we drill down even further and discover that Envy means “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck”, and we hit pay-dirt. Feeling aroused, even if resentfully so, really does speak to the cuckold experience, doesn’t it? Resentful longing aroused by someone else’s luck. Phew. Cuckold jealousy is all about feeling that resentful longing because of someone else getting to have really good sex with your partner, girlfriend, or wife.

What Do You Do About Your Cuckold Jealousy?

The reason why the idea of a cuckold being insanely jealous of his (it’s usually a masculine identifying person being cuckolded) partner having sex or intimacy with another person is such a big deal in cuck positive spaces is because that very jealousy often gets in the way of the fun and games! A man’s jealousy over his girlfriend’s other partners can lead him to act like a total asshole dickhead, and block her from further exploration and sexual encounters. For some folks, the idea of a cuckold relationship is hot only in theory, and the reality leaves them acting like a hormonal and pouty man-baby in need of coddling and reassurance that she really does love him, honest. Nothing takes the post-orgasmic bliss down quite like having to cater to the wounded ego of a jealous lover. Obviously, your cuckold jealousy has some pretty harsh and negative effects on the relationships you’d like to have.

Here’s what you can do about your jealousy: own it, process it, deal with it, and then redirect your own energy into useful expressions of your emotional landscape.

Lessons From Polyamory

I’m polyamorous as fuck. I don’t do monogamy, so depending on how you look at it I’m either really good at cuckolding men or I suck at it a whole bunch. I can’t really say that I’m cuckolding my boyfriend because I have three of those, and two girlfriends, and one QPR (queer platonic relationship). So who’s getting cuck’d there? Either everyone or no-one, or both all at once. But jealousy is still a thing that rears up from time to time, because time, energy, and days of the week are in short supply. Someone is always in danger of feeling resentful longing because they’re not getting their needs met, and they’re envious of whoever currently is getting their needs met. So how do we deal with jealousy?

You have to own your own jealousy. After all, your jealousy is about you, your needs and desires, and is rooted in an entirely interior and personal experience. That’s your jealousy, you get to deal with it.

Once you accept that your jealousy isn’t really about who’s doing what with whom, but about your needs and desires not getting met fully, you get to process that. Think about it. Work out for yourself what need is being left unmet, and how would you like it to be met? Are you jealous that someone gets to fuck your partner and you don’t? Or are you jealous that she hasn’t been home at night to cuddle and snuggle with you, ask you how your day was, and eat dinner with you? What are you really jealous about? Be honest with yourself.

Dealing with your cuckold based jealousy means refraining from making your emotional mess into your partner’s problem to solve. You deal with it. You put in the introspective work to suss out what you’re really upset about, and then you do the work to put that into words. No outsourcing the emotional work here!

Once you’ve owned it, processed it, understood it, and taken care of the work yourself, you get to express it. You can schedule a conversation with your partner to talk about what you’ve introspected about yourself, and what conclusions you’ve come to. You can ask for something to meet the unmet need that has left you feeling resentful. You can do some self-soothing and self-care to partially meet your own needs (schedule a massage if your skin hunger is high, arrange a guys night out with your buddies to go do social things, plan a luxurious date night pampering session for you and your partner… the list goes on and on.) Try to keep your expressions as positive as you can. You don’t want to just bitch and complain and offer no solutions, that’s not moving things forward, that’s just venting. Maybe a little venting is useful to take the pressure off, but if you don’t follow that up with positive solutions you have failed to do the work of dealing with your jealousy!

So, Do Cuckolds Get Jealous?

Only if they have a pulse. It’s not that you feel jealous that’s the problem, it’s what you do with your jealousy that leads to issues. If you want a happy and healthy relationship, you have to learn to manage your emotional landscape, including the negative emotions you experience. You can tell your partner that you’re feeling a little jealous, but you’re not ready yet to talk about it with them. Tell them you need to time work through it yourself first, and then you’ll have some requests that can help you handle your jealousy better. Don’t make it all their problem and don’t let your jealousy ruin a beautiful cuckold relationship!

As always, I’m ready and willing to talk you through any relationship issues you may have! You can vent to me without letting that expression of frustrated longing spill onto your partner. I’m available to brainstorm solutions to your jealousy issues, too. Or we can just play “cuckold gets jealous of bull, discovers wife is interested in chastity in the best/worst way!”

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Your Cuckold Mistress, Harper